... wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Sci-fi movies would have us believe that in the future people will be able to get into a spaceship they'd never been before, and fly it across the galaxy. My car service centre issued me a courtesy car this morning. It took me 20 minutes to turn the radio on.

Always a good time to post this while drinking from the mug. youtu.be/p3q2iZuU5WM?si…

Came home from holiday to find the garden looked like something from a J.G. Ballard story.

Any thoughts as to why the strawberry and mango smoothies are dairy-free, but the banana ones aren't? Do bananas come from cows?

Every time anyone says "Keir Starmer", a little voice in my head says "Too orangey for crows..."

Basil!!!!!

You know, Heroes of History, it might be a good ideas to wait until you have some reviews before you start advertising...

We got lockers 1 and 2 at the #TaskmasterLive Experience which I reckon makes us winners. (In all other ways, we were definitely losers.)

Birmingham is looking especially dystopian this afternoon.

Just managed to score tickets to see Penn Jillette and Teller at The The London Palladium. And by "scored" I mean "bought" and by "connections" I mean Starbucks UK's wifi.

Not many people know that the inspiration for the 1963 Dr Who opening graphics is the top of my cat's head.

Just used my connections to score tickets for the new The Comedy about Spies from @mischieftheatre. And when I say "score" I mean "buy". And when I say "connections" I mean free pub WiFi.

Just had Ray Davies, Dave Davies and Pete Quaife at the door. No, they weren't singing "We three Kinks", why do you ask?

The PE teacher wanted me to tackle for the ball but I'm slow and clumsy. I kicked other boys in the shins two weeks running by accident. After that, I wasn't allowed to play and had to sit indoors. I pretended to hate it but smiled inside and read Terry Pratchett novels.

Looks like someone isn't a fan of amateur piano...

Waiting for sunset... #BuffyRevamped

I sometimes wonder if people in the 9th century looked at their windmills and moaned about "these hideous modern monstrosities fouling the landscape".

I'm not saying this hotel doesn't have faith in its room service, but they sell Pot Noodle in the lobby.

Colin the Caterpillar: Stranger Things Edition