Something in the universe broke when Pinch in Carbondale closed on December 31st 2019 and the entire year of 2020 is proof

Alexa, play Should’ve Been A Cowboy by Toby Keith

I feel like we are downplaying the “a couple of bombs found” part of the day idk

Just take a moment and be thankful you’re not in a high school government class while all of this is happening

Tell me why I’m in grad school 100 miles from home earning my doctorate and I still have dreams where I’m getting yelled at by the manager of the restaurant I worked at in high school

One of the worst parts about living in Chicago is when you tell someone from the suburbs you grew up in southern Illinois and they say “Oh, so like near Peoria?”

No way I’d give in for fame or money but the devil might just get my soul if he offered a plate of crab rangoons on the right day

40 degrees is starting to feel like beach weather

Slap the bag but milkshake mix instead of wine

my favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons

Me after looking at the Solar Eclipse with my $2.50 eclipse glasses I got from the gas station

I'm now being rationed under Joe Biden's regime

Too bad Uvalde Elementary didn’t sell Teslas.

Take a good look Zelensky: This is how you properly dress when meeting our president x.com/3YearLetterman…