“connor, your dick go fucking stooopid bro” im screamingggggg

after corona can we PLEASE normalise wearing masks when you’re sick? there is no reason why little billy should be allowed to sneeze on me in public ffs

Men get their haircut & suddenly they got 20 errands to run. Get your ass back in the house whore.

"i can't wear a mask because i have breathing problems" ok i have a big fat tonka truck earth shattering ass but i still wears pants so..

This website is like Amazon but for Black Owned Businesses specifically, you can conveniently shop black businesses directly in one place. Let's put our energy towards this, it'll also make our boycotting effective, please give it a follow and your support!

Not a fan of the “oh you think that’s hard? Well I- *insert lengthy brag about how the thing got done 250% better* -by working hard” type Yeah, you did great, but belittling other people’s accomplishments or struggles is ugly.

Watching the social dilemma and if Big Tech wants to psych eval me I think it’s kinda of rude for them to hold out

If I go to your house and see st.Ives in your shower, I’m taking it. Thanks for the new foot scrub, I’ll be bringing you an AHA soon.

I would like to formally invite any and all of my doppelgängers to my funeral wake

Idk who needs to hear this but there are billions of women in the world, no need to harass one who isn’t interested ✨

so did anyone else know that there was a massive pool noodle battle planned between all the people named Josh today that was ultimately won by a 5-year old named Josh who was crowned The Supreme Josh or was I just supposed to find this out on my own

Elon musk on SNL made me realize I may be poor but at least I’m funny and you can’t have both

Riddle me this: “I am a-“

My heart goes out to all the women dating during Olympic season and all the times you’ll hear “I swam in high school for 1 semester..”

Som abortion thoughts: I teach sex ed and when I explain the menstrual cycle, I emphasize that if you are expecting your period, it’s one day late, and you take a pregnancy test, if it comes back positive, you are considered 4 weeks + 1 day into your pregnancy.

Why is trying to eat any kind of flaky pastry in public so unnecessarily humiliating?

You ever eat a carrot and think that could be my finger?