Every corner will be smooth in the future there will be no more football in the snow

My mom asked me in German the other day if I thought “Der Rizzler” was being abused

This isn’t at all how that feels

Removing barnacles is a must for any vessel

My son and his friends won’t stop filming themselves doing the Pete & Bobby Challenge!

r/scrapmetal has fallen. It’s woke territory now

All this Grok on my wrist how am I ever supposed to get through airport security

Going into the coffee shop my girlfriend works at and tipping 33% on my $6 order so her coworkers all know we have a good home life

Relief really looks like remission to those patients who have never known true remission 😂 😂

Besides like Biden tax-haven stuff, can anybody name a single thing about Delaware? I know there’s a NASCAR track and the school mascot is a blue hen

Israelis explaining defense: imagine you shoot a civilian

Trump largely ditched the silly kinda whimsical stuff to focus more on evil things this time around. But I still hold out hope he’ll drop a $200 bill note. Maybe even a $300 bill. Would be cool to pull out at parties. What about a $700 bill

who got xans or percs? 📍Braunschweig, Niedersachsen

Guy who is a good dad because he thinks it will make him seem more like Roman Reigns

White guy I’ve worked with for years has always had a pretty wild blaccent. Yesterday showed up to work and there was no trace of it. I wonder what happened

Every time I see a cop in a Ford Fusion squad car I assume it’s being done as a form of humiliation/punishment for an office faux pas. Like he didn’t throw on a fresh pot of coffee after finishing an old one so now he whips a Fusion while other dudes get Chargers and Expeditions

pronouncing "pho" at the phonetic midpoint between the correct-but-pretentious way (fuh) and the Way Of The Philistine White (foe), so as to avoid any and all complications. the waiter (19, born in Hamburg to the grandchildren of national socialists) shrugs. I kill myself

Girl working bar at the coffee shop rn called out “Scott! I’ve got a couple of lattes, a couple of scottes 😏” and then it got very quiet in there very quickly