I'm at a restaurant called Missing Link's, every table has a statue of Bigfoot that the server sets a small steak in front of as an act of appeasement. I start eating the steak and say "I'm not here for THAT guy!" and everyone laughs

I'm on a comedy game show sitting next to Woody Allen, I can barely stand to look at him. Everyone keeps calling him John Candy

My brother's been getting into this online video game called The Midnight Pedagogist

Jay Leno is demonstrating very elaborate cameras at the front of an amusement park. I invite him to come along to the arcade with us. We make a stop at our friend's mom's house, who lives in a pink pirate-themed house. Her butlers are dressed like they're at Walmart

I find a pawn shop that is selling little organ modules in the display case along with some audiophile pressings of classic jazz albums that were released on the Game Boy Advance

I'm in the ruins of an ancient city in the desert. There's a crumbling temple in the middle, a ceremony is taking place where the villagers walk around an altar with several painted stone tablets. A percussion ritual is about to take place. You can see to Italy through the heat

My family stops at a dark, empty mall in the middle of nowhere. I'm wearing a 70s looking suit and have decided to pretend that I'm the mayor. I go into a shop called Denim Park and look at the jeans. I tell the employee there that I was an alderman once

I'm sitting next to Penn and Teller on the Letterman show. They do a trick where Teller buries his hand in Jello, and I accidentally expose how they did it by following a little red string behind David's desk. Everyone feels dejected about learning the secret

I'm walking along the river by the theater when I realize that the new Phoebe Waller-Bridge movie is playing and seems interesting. I sneak in for the last few moments but it's 230am and the theater is closing. I debate hiding in my seat and staying inside overnight. It's so dark

I'm on some country road in Iowa, it's 1:38am. The moon is shining so brightly that it seems like daylight. The sky is white and the road seems like thick locks of coral. I try to take a picture with my driver's license. We all climb up a mountain with Jeff Probst as our guide

I'm walking down a street in Peoria trying to remember where I parked two months ago. Two ladies in front of me are delighted that the White Castle hasn't been torn down yet. I walk through the drive thru but it's closed and full of free junk from their lost and found

Larry David is my neighbor at my new house in Colorado. My backyard is full of blue butterflies because of his orchard of blue flowers. I introduce myself and he seems friendly but I think I came on too strong

Hulk Hogan's been staying at my house this week. He's outside waiting for his ride so I go out and tell him it was nice to meet him. I go in for the side hug but he does not reciprocate

I'm trying to get to work but there's a mass of reporters and photographers blocking the entrance, where a press conference is taking place. I make it inside and try to find out what the big deal is. Turns out Tommy Wiseau is giving a talk at a film festival in town