SHELDON RING Margit the Fell Omen: I see thee, little Tarnished, smoldering with the flame of ambition. Sheldon: Sir, if this is sarcasm, I think you should know that I am immune. Leonard: No, Sheldon, you’re literally on fire! Sheldon: Ah! Penny: And he’s an INT/mind build?

Stephen Colbert was calling Donald Trump a Russian orange and playing mad libs with Anderson Cooper for only $16 million a year, and now it’s all f*cking gone because of f*cking corporations and fascism.

Thinking about remaking the world in my image…

Shane Gillis Alexander: Win the MVP, ya know? Knock back a couple a gatorades with the boys. Jump high, dunk it. Act all tall and shit.

The should make an Injustice/Mortal Kombat style game but the only two people you can play as are God and the devil.

I could beat Caitlin Clark one on one if I was drunk and my mom was watching

“I am the one who knocks!!!” -Walter White

Not me compulsively smiling through my entire eye exam

Stoners are blowing smoke rings with their “homies” Meanwhile I’m blowing rings of Cheerios out my nose laughing with my mom and dad

Silver pilfer kill fer Gilbert's still hurts steel shirts Bill Burr milf word off kilter no filter chill brrrr feel burn still slur will stir Trent dilfer Val kilmer Still third shield her he'll squirt Steven Spielberg Lil twerp Wilshire She'll purr Kill birds milk curd feel

Every day a group of well-meaning “truthseekers” ambush me and beat my ass for no good reason. Tomorrow… I’m gonna give them a reason!

If the antichrist shows up, I’ll be that one crazy bitch running TOWARD the bastard

We are cooked

If you get in a car accident, and the person they immediately contact is your business partner, you deserved it.

Shang Cheese and the Legend of the Ten Onion Rings

I heard the shooter was Will Smith and he thought Charlie Kirk was Chris Rock and he thought they were at the Oscars and the bullet was a slap

Type shi

Eating a bowl of Tylenol and Vaccine like cereal and milk to fight the regime this morning 🫡 💪

What would it look like if somebody was poisoning their family?