SOS the love of my life doesn’t understand the difference between tonic, club soda, and seltzer.

Patagonia-vest moon, mad-you’re-vegetarian rising

If girls have tits to boys have tots?

Sallie Mae emails me DAILY asking if I need money for college, but not ONCE does she consider why I need college for money

Film buffs love saying the title of a movie as a punchline and if you don’t laugh you’re really missing the joke

If you say the word “movie” amongst film buffs? Kindly fuck thyself, plz!

The only thing a film buff loves more than film is opinions

Just found out cheerleading isn’t in the Olympics 😤 DON’T text

Crunchy cookies are for people who save half their sandwiches for later. Chewy cookies are self love, I can’t show my math on this

There’s a community of regulars in the Container Store and that’s sad :(

Not Olive Garden using Selena Gomez’s “Come & Get It” in their endless soup, salad and breadsticks commercial

When Hagrid said “Yer a wizard” that was a seismic collective trauma on children across the globe.

Chicken Soup for the Horse Girl Soul

If it’s not about fairies mermaids witches or vampires count me the fuck out

When people think it’s hot to be 22 it’s like... so you’ve never paid your own rent before?

Did it hurt? When you defined “camp”?

The greenjuice to God pipeline.

The Ru Paul werkroom to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory pipeline

Just saw a Guy Fawkes Covid mask and I’m actually shaking. So powerful

Honestly I didn’t know Betty White COULD die.