Ghosting hutaka determination, ukimhurumia katikati you have lost

kumbe fence ya miba huitwa kay apples sio kayaba

Set a deadline, brooooooo Not a comfortable one. A scary one. Pressure is what gets shit done.

You will never see women who grew up with a dad who owns a car doing this.

"yOuRe prObaLy talKinG tO somEoNe eLse" me:

MEN RECEIVING FLOWERS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

you can randomly text me at 3 am sometimes and I either have been up the whole time or just randomly woke up 😭

I pick up their calls.

The mpesa messages after a bender are enough to make a grown man faint

She did this while simultaneously cheating on her husband. Women are funny as hell lmao

Sahii unapigia employed simu anakuambia ongea haraka

realizing she’s gonna share my music taste with the next guy

whatever you do while we’re not on good terms is what you really wanted to do all along

We got you covered for Easter Weekend. #Tanonane

For every girl you think is irreplaceable, there's another who will make you COMPLETELY forget her.

“I want a gf”, mfs when they see an incoming facetime for the fifth time today

Arsenal are shit, but they're my shit

Haha an entire weekend with me and she hasn't received a single call. She thinks I'm new to this game.

Her : He's just a friend Me : Put him on speaker and tell him you're horny