hello, I’m Fred Schneider from the B-52s. honestly I’m not sure if I’m the best person to be doing this, but here’s the names of all the U.S. soldiers who were killed in the Vietnam War

Michael Rapaport, Israel needs you there right now

new character: guy who thinks the bridge of Kool & the Gang's Celebration warns of a looming race war

woke up in a panic from a nightmare in which they had outlawed piss. ran to my dog dish and it turns out..... we're good 😎

[OJ Simpson arriving in Heaven]

St. Peter: here's all your favorite sports memorabilia, Juice...
OJ: yes!
St. Peter: ...in another guy's hotel room! HAHAHAHA

[clouds fall away to reveal flames and pitchforks]

OJ: nooooo

a tribute to my bodega guy

I don't think I get how this game works

doctor says I should “keep an eye on” my blood pressure, that really seems more like your job dude

[a shuddering of the tectonic plates joins into the rhythm of all living things, a whispered message from our ancient and deathless Earth]

New Yorkers: here's how this affected me

.@Zackfox & | Avant Gaurd | just gifted the world one of the hardest collabs of the year 🍃🔥

assistant: Mr. Mayor, seismologists are telling us that an earthquake of 4.8 magnitude has struck the city
Eric Adams: ah, swagalicious

phew it was just an earthquake and not the world-changing cataclysm we all know is coming