I’m tired of saving the free world, I just want to be funny on the internet again.

Came back from England snatched. Can’t believe all this time my ideal diet and exercise regime has been 7 alcoholic beverages, a Nando’s and 30,000 steps across London a day.

Nothing says “I have a feral toddler” more than my morning coffee getting stirred by a toilet brush.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I went to the Harry Potter Studio tour and wept at this part like I was in the Anne Frank house.

My friends and I are like ✨we are unique individuals created by our past experiences✨ and astrology is like lmao you’re like this cos the moon was 5 inches further west when you came out of your mom’s cooter.

Laying in bed listening to Rowwen Hèze while watching the fish doorbell in Utrecht and realizing 12 years ago I probably couldn’t have pointed to the Netherlands on a map.

My child is the cutest thing I’ve ever made (and I do A LOT of crafts).

The stock market is crashing and tariffs are about to make everything 200% more expensive but Leslie Odom Jr. is reprising his role of Aaron Burr in Hamilton so unfortunately my family will have to starve so I can buy a ticket.

Absolutely can’t wait to be Imogen Heap’s top 1% of listeners this year because my son refuses to listen to anything but the Happy Song on repeat during 2+ hour car rides.

I know screen time is rotting my child’s brain but my GOD is it nice to poop without an audience.

It’s unsettling how often I nearly piss myself trying to get a jumpsuit off in the bathroom.

Nothing lazier than watching someone run a marathon while I lay on the couch. Go bethany go!!!!

Paddington the Musical with music by Tom Fletcher is going to be Nolan and my first time to fan girl as mother and son together. What a gift.

I will be watching the Wicked For Good trailer every day from now until November 21st. Please respect my privacy at this time.