Using my tears as lube right now #Mavs #NBADraftLottery

Dude, great to see ya! Wanna tell me why you didn’t like my wife’s instagram last week?

#FunFact Beers are served quicker when you order with a magnifying glass

How did Elmo do?

On this week’s rendition of #NancyMeyersSunday I bring you an absolutely iconic Lindsey Lohan role.

Me: successfully reignites the pilot light on my water heater Also Me: hey siri, play Hard Hat and a Hammer by Alan Jackson

If Will Smith was the Prince of Bel-Air, I’m the king of getting pee oh my pants at a urinal

Recipe for an 8pm Sunday bedtime

Spam is getting crazy sophisticated these days. How do they know I’m looking for friends? Who told them?

Tennessee kicker has crazy eyes

I might grill a better burger & throw a better ball than Arch Manning. At least one is true

Can you get tarmac’d at home? Ari Wasserman

Bout to slap the bag

Clinked field goals that go through the uprights should could as 4 points. Heck, maybe 5

Is it just me or does everyone still go full sprint skipping every other step when going up the stairs at their parents house? Walking is simply not in the cards