well there’s his story, her story, and the truth (which we already knew from her story)

overheard a man on the phone go “no, no, ignore Ricky’s email, it’s all wrong, you know he uses chatgpt” so if you’re ricky, just know: you are not smart, you are not respected, and i’m going to kill you. twitter do your thing!

liberally conservative, socially fiscal

hey man, love to see you go, hate to watch you leave. your vibe sucks and your ass is even worse

if squirt is pee then why is mine a deep red huh

and is there mister beast? another mr beast? im asking if you mr beast are gay married to another man also named mr beast MrBeast

if i see a student driver i am going out of way to teach them a valuable lesson. about taking a human life

when your friend posts a photo where you look sorta busted. that means 1) they love you so much, they’re incapable of seeing you through the harsh evil lens you use on yourself, and they wish you could see yourself as beautiful they see you, OR 2) they’re a traitorous bitch

damn. loser of my fantasy draft has to permanently forget his son’s name and erase all memories with him 😭😭😭 punishment fits the crime i guess

love nibbling at an edible to make it a perfect half. like i’m a little mouse. like im a little mouse scientist

is it illegal to hit jay walkers. for reference i am not in a car i am also a jaw walker but i have a hammer

i’m determined to see my name on the big screen one day. that’s why i’m legally changing it to Bestboygrip

hold me closer tiny hamster

i did subway takes and i said “i deserve to live” and he said “100% disagree” and started chasing me. both of us on all fours. im sending this from a moment of respite in a secret crevasse i found at 14th st-union square. but i know i can’t run forever

racism isn’t a political disagreement, it’s a violent act. nazism isn’t a political disagreement, it’s violence.

what is everyones favorite moments from 30rock

my DMs right now are incredible. it's all "violence is NEVER the answer. now please kill yourself in front of me immediately"

a lot of evil fucks attacking me for “bringing up palestine” when i was actually referencing the distinctly american school shootings that kirk found acceptable (his own words). funny your instinct was to defend genocide anyways! nice lil depraved cherry on top!