Hangin' in the oval tomorrow during G's colonoscopy. I'm thinking a club sandwich aroun noon and then bomb the fuck out of Iran at 2:30.

Slept through alarm clock yesterday. Didn't wake up in time to launch full-scale nuclear attack on world while President. I'm such an ass.

Left arm's tingling again. It's gonna rain tomorrow.

Picked up a new CD today. "Drums and Guns" by some band named Low. Rove said it was right up my alley...that guy's a total prick.

Starting to think that potato-powered mind control device I bought out of Popular Mechanics back in '02 isn't working as advertised.

Just heard that Jesus was killed in Jerusalem this afternoon. Looks like a couple tomahawks are in Palestine's future.

Told Lynne she looked hot last night. She just stared and shook her head. Did I miss something? It's like no one believes anything I say.

Working on my BYU commencement address. Thinking about trying out some new Iraq/Al Qaeda material. It's so gonna kill with the kids.

Won a baboon on eBay. Condition as-is, but I'm going to use the little guy for parts anyway. Never know when the ticker might blow a valve.

Heh. CNN and MSNBC were all over me last week. Pretty cool how we got Imus to take one for the team over the last four news cycles, huh?

Heh. Kucinich thinks he can impeach me. Nothing a little blot clot in the leg can't fix. Suckas! http://tinyurl.com/3c2xrx