I want my girlfriend to send me to Valhalla by crushing my skull between her thighs.

3PP set a new milestone last night. Love my people, love working for them. ❤️

I just wanna get drunk and pet cats leave me alone

Morgan is the Baba-gahyuck.

Natty Light and nicotine gum.

I always looked forward to being able to write a check on a checkbook that had like cartoon characters and shit. Instead, I’m doing it in Quickbooks and my coworkers fuckin’ hate me. Life comes atcha fast.

Not a super hero guy. Found out Batman has a rival named Man Bat. Gonna be a super hero guy now.

Comsider this ur sign to quit doom scrolling, brush ya teefies, and hit the hay ya beautiful summbitch

If ya ain’t ever had the peanut butter little debbie cream pies ya ain’t livin’ right

Finally seeing DGD 😍

Life = made. I can die happy.

Josh Allen throwing 3 picks tonight makes me feel way better about Tannehill throwing 3 picks yesterday. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Spent a few hours the other day doing NFL stats for my fantasy team this week. Can’t wait to come in dead ass last. 😌

I thought the Jimmy Butler thing was a meme 🤣 Holy shit it’s real!

The amount of gum I end up accidentally touching under chairs and tables makes me wanna go to bed early without dinner.

White people have done a ton of horrible shit throughout history. Hickhop is the worst atrocity we have ever committed.

Shitting w/o wiping = no paperwork.

Someone check on Kevin for me