Fuck everything and everyone.

I love you more than an upper middle class suburban teenager loves punching holes in drywall.

You can't spell "slut-shaming" without "assuming."

My toxic trait is that I'm perfect and everybody else is just plain horrible.

Some of you need to type your reply.. Pause for a minute.. Then delete it..

I just ate enough teriyaki chicken for 3 people. It hurts…. hurts so good.

Will drama find you on Twitter no matter how much you try to avoid it? Yes it will.. but the less you feed into it.. the less it finds you..

I love when people say I’m weak cause I block… nah I just prefer my trash in the dumpster not in my house…

Empirical evidence suggests that there is more than one wrong way to eat a Reese's.

If you send me dick pics I will dress your dude in a costume and give him a backstory. Your move reply guys.

Being on hold listening to a 60 second clip of horrible music that just keeps repeating is my favorite way to spend my day..

Licking a lollipop as if several guys weren't staring at the way I lick a lollipop.

It's always a bit tight on the reinsertion. -Me talking about getting my piercing or IUD put back in. What did you think I was talking about?!

if you’re having a bad day, just remember that it’s almost grey sweatpants season. you’re welcome.

seduce me with music and i’ll seduce you with cake

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