They really should have called electric toothbrushes automatics.

They should reduce everyone’s age by two years to give us back the covid years

Your new gas bill is available to… RUIN YOUR LIFE

Easy like a Sunday morning? Maybe for you Lionel Richie, but I’ve got a garden that needs mowing!

Don’t worry, be happy. Oh well when you put it like that!

You know what no one is talking about is how dogs know so many different languages

I think we should reintroduce native species into Ireland but also bring in one or two species to spice things up like a big hungry tiger.

Dentist: Do you eat a lot of sugary foods? Me: (chews industrial grade toffee) Only for a little treat at the weekend

Good conspiracy theory… barbers are putting hair miracle grow in our hair under the guise of wax/gel

Anyone else have a fear of the alarm on their phone going off at the worst time possible?

Entering my broken back era

I’d like to see a fly on the wall documentary about Curly Watts

Title for a biscuit horror movie… custard screams

Boss: Have you come across Dave? Me: No, but I’ve come IN him Boss: …

Meatloafs son is called Beetroot

The hold music stops. This is it. I’m through. The hold music starts again. Nooooooooo!!

Who hoovers the Henrys?

Did I even go on a walk if my phone didn’t count the steps?

My mother was thrown off a cell by the Undertaker. Mamkind.

The sub postmasters are in the news for being fucked by the post office. It wouldn’t have happened if they were dom postmasters