If the nature documentary isn’t narrated by David Attenborough, I can’t trust anything said in it.

Just squeezed my cat and he farted. He’s very embarrassed so don’t bring it up when you see him.

Low key h*ck 2020

You ever just...”HEY MACARENA!” ?

A whole world full of films and genres and shows and my dumb self just wants to watch How to Train Your Dragon for the 1,000,000th time

Just saw that it feels like 10* outside and I said “It’s warming up!”... What is this world coming to?

Got stuck halfway into my driveway after the snowstorm. Started digging myself out before a man I don’t know appears. He helps me dig out of the bank and runs off into the night saying “That’s what we are here for”. His name was Steven. I think he was an angel.

me sittin here waiting for my extended assignments to do themselves

Eating Kraft singles right out of the fridge. Weird? Not weird?

How many two page essays due in 7 hrs? 4...4 two page essays due in 7hrs. Here we go again.

Success...?

Sent a TikTok to my dad and now he has an account and sends me one every couple of days. It’s kinda sweet...

I use the word “docket” unironically and I’m not ashamed. I’m a 55 year old man living in a 21 year old body and I’m proud.

Whoever needs to hear this: if I’m going faster than you, GET IN THE RIGHT LANE! thank you for coming to my TED talk.

who failed to mention that nose hair would precede my ability to grow consistent facial hair?

Do y’all REMEMBER remember everything from the past or is it all kinda blurry? I have some VIVD memories but for the most part I feel like my life started at 16. No? Just me? Cool.

To all UCA freshmen who seem to be struggling with the traffic circles: “Yield” signs do not mean to stop in the middle of the road when there is no car coming.

Root Beer is the new Mountain Dew. You heard it here first.

Philosophical question: Is it worse to sit on a warm toilet seat and know who was just there or to have no idea?

Not mad, just a genuine question. Who, in the history of mankind, has drank and actually liked a Bloody Mary?