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nobody talks about how when you grow up with a crazy mom you then develop the urge to go similarly crazy on people later in life

Telling me beer is liquid bread like it’s a bad thing, bread in a can brother pour me a slice, bring over the peanut butter. let’s drop a toaster into the bathtub I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. No I’m fine, really. Also here are my most cherished items

I get drunk and start telling men to kiss each other

quick reminder this isn’t how democracy should work

in another life i would have vaped with you

if i send you this it means im about to do a ton of drugs at your house then tweet all your secrets after you ask me to leave

surprisingly diplomatic approach

I just know Kamala is somewhere laughing her ass off!!! 🤣 Don’t think she knows about the news I just think with all the pills you know how she is

this is bye sister for white supremacists

who among us hasn’t done a firehose of ketamine and publicly feuded with the president online

Not shaving my asshole ever again if you like me you’re just gonna have to deal with a little butt hair I can’t take it anymore

Y’all wanna be toxic soooo bad. Meanwhile, I’m tryna kill every toxic trait within me. I don’t wanna argue, be disrespectful, act cold, or question love. I wanna be gentle, accountable, emotionally intelligent, supportive, and soft with my person. Real love deserves real peace.

it’s not a bush when guys have it. it’s some other evil thing that i don’t even wanna think about

Sorry i don’t have time to comment on the Sabrina Carpenter album cover because I’m having all sorts of weird sex that would apparently freak a lot of you out really bad

Peter Pref FlexUpFirstYear Chop that broccoli cut and hit the oil rig lil man

Bonnaroo getting cancelled is like 9/11 for your friend with a mild drug problem

at least it feels validating