Damn, now Tom will have to return that boat.

Do the Russian hockey players get to visit the White House?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders shouldn't worry about the restaurant that kicked her out. She should DEFINITELY worry about what's in her food in the places that don't.

I wish Radio Raheem were alive to handle this Papa John's mess.

Christopher Robin is a movie about adult dementia, right?

Language nerds have eithergasms.

The new Kaepernick Kneelers will be straight 🔥 though.

I hope that's NOT why they called it the White Album.

Again, surprised to find out 'Predator' was not about Catholic priests.

Will a woman become President before or after Tom Brady does?

Why not simply 'Doritas'?

I'm cool as long as Bill Murray is in charge of the parade.

I want to listen to your podcast about as much as I wanted to read your blog.

Until a woman shoots up a place, I'm going to assume the gun issue is about d*cks.

Due to the Winter Olympics, there should be two more weeks of Black History Month.

I would agree with arming the teachers if my freshman English teacher hadn't been drunk two days out of every week.

The best part of Easter Fools is you can tell your kids you hid eggs, but you don't actually have to hide any.

My Ancestry DNA report came back, and I'm .0003 Wilt Chamberlain.

Thank God the White House didn't say anything about McCain's eye shadow.