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the lion doesn't concern himself with credit card debt

the two worst feelings in the world are not having a job and having a job

I did not expect that. 💀

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

They should make a beer that’s also an energy drink and also a cigarette and also has 50g of protein

Iran is hiding their nukes here, quick get 'em!

white people be like im craving shepards pie

If you’re 25+ please put that Labubu down and start contributing to your 401k

The Costco Guys have been eerily silent on the Epstein stuff

wow you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. super proud of you

“diet coke is just a fridge cigarette” is the type of poetry i live for

Coke zero is an indica and diet coke is a sativa

If you say, “Me and my partner,” I immediately think you’re gay.

You're not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

it was the best of times it was the blurst of times

Ill always HR cinnamon buns