Omg did you misgender me

When God gives you lemons you find a new God

You see? It’s 3rd and 6. That means the team with the ball has one more down to get 6 yards or they have to punt.

“It’s all about who you know!” I shout, as my wife demands I tell her who drove through the backyard and left tire tracks

You ever tried buying a goat about it?

It’s weird how it’s completely okay for black folks to use phrases like “white boy” or “wipipo”. But I tell one black dude he’s darker than under the bed and I’m the bad guy.

Just cause you give me an erection I’m gonna continue to let you talk to me like that

Wanna know how I know you’re gay?

“God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors.” Is the kinda shit people post when they lost their rent money on Draftkings

If there were two serious assassination attempts on a Democrat candidate, the election would be postponed, the FBI would be raiding every church and shooting range in America, the military would be on DEFCON 1 and the media would be covering it nonstop 24-7 for months.

Just another brief glimpse into what happens when you try and set boundaries with your mother.

Daylight come and me wan go home

I had always hoped that as the world ended, R.E.M would be playing over a loud speaker. I’m very disappointed.

GM

I’d hit it

What does it say about your culture when it’s so readily understood that you eat cats and dogs

Who wants to give me pink eye