Wish I paid more attention during my first rodeo

The worst part of covid is QR menus. Worse than all the people who died

jesus christ google yes you can have my location. i’m literally just checking the spelling of a word but by all means, sure, know exactly where I am. freak

Bagel with cream cheese has done more for society than any therapist ever will

If Schmidt trots out there for a 40 yarder I’ll light myself on fire at midfield

Ryan Walters Superintendent Parody College GameDay I think you are a loser. Just to be clear. No thanks.

Y’all mind if it’s a GooooooooOo SOONAHS!!!

This Jackson Arnold kid sucks?

Y’all mind if I get a preemptive go soonahs in?

GoooooOoOooooo SOONAHS!!!

Look man i "get it", I "get" the idea of coasters, I'm not a fucking moron, you don't want to damage your nice table you spent a lot of money on. I'm just saying, what is the table in the first place if not a coaster for the floor. I'm just saying, where does it end

I hereby apologize

Bout that time

BREAKING: In a last-second move, President Biden pardons the team that invented the QR Code Food Menu.

How it feels to ask someone if they’re gonna eat their pickle

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette

Can I get a uhhhhHhh GO SOONAHS!!!

Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere