Devil on my shoulder: it’s Friday night. Have 7-10 beers. Come on do it 😈 you know you want to 😈 Angel on my shoulder: only have 3-5 beers

I was a nothingburger to him but he was an everything bagel to me…

By far the funniest tweet of the year

Just saw this on tiktokt and had to repost it because holy shit.

They Call Me Tower 7 Cause Shit Might Go Down For No Reason 🔫😈

Elephants are born weighing 250 lbs. They are the biggest babies on earth except for the people mad about male cheerleaders in the NFL.

Freeeeeeeee bird yeah!

I'm an ambulance driver. You guys would be suprised by how many people just writhe on the floor in pain. That's it. That's their life.

Those whom I pass on the trail are Trailures. They are likely to hurt themselves and ought stay home reading about trails, not hiking them Those whom pass me are Trailhards. They've sacrificed their humanity to hike marginally better than me. One must imagine them miserable

key & peele support group

I can’t get over this umps nutsack being absolutely terrorized in a little league baseball game. 3 times in 1 game. I mean come the fuck on

Checks and balances fuck nigga

OH SHIT, A RAT! (2019)

Norm- “Friend of mind said he thought the worst part of the Cosby thing was the hypocrisy…. I disagree.” Jerry Seinfeld- “You disagree?” Norm Macdonald- “Yeah…. I think it was the raping.” 😂 😂 😂