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my doctor said i should sleep for 3 days straight and eat more pasta

am i “enjoying” microsoft outlook? does the medieval prisoner “enjoy” being broken upon the rack

people absolutely believe women should work btw. what they do believe is that women should not have access to money

I didn’t know Benson Boone was actually famous until this week. I thought he was one of those fake Mormon celebrities only Mormons know

I bet that magic Jesus wine was so good. Would be funny if it was bad tho and everyone had to drink it because he went to all that work to make it

This girl last night was crying saying “you’re really gonna move to New York and what? Marry a brunette?”

every airplane flight is, for me, a spiritual experience. we dreamed of flying for *thousands* of years. we tried, we failed. we told stories, we found belief, we scavenged materials, we deciphered secrets. then one day, in an unimaginable future, we now fly on wings of dreams.

i’m not even catholic i’m just into guilt recreationally

Women shouldn’t have kids after 36! Thats way too many kids!

I’ve interviewed for jobs with a base salary of $75k that took longer for an interview process than it took for the Catholic church to select a new pope

Cormac McCarthy, oof

the gap in my resume? yeah it’s called playing outside

goodreads is awesome it encourages you to get off the app and go read by virtue of how ass it is

It’s I did this to myself Sunday what did you do to yourself

Sisyphus be like "I'm getting my steps in"

I didn't eat a tapeworm because I need to be thin in a world where physical appearance is my only value and if I fail to marry I'll be destitute. I did it because I like the feeling of something moving around in my stomach

Men in poker: “Learn their tells. Their body language. Did they sigh? Blink? Itch their nose? Avert their gaze? Brow twitch? Shift in their seat? Exhale differently?” Men with women: “You’re gonna have to tell me what you’re thinking, I’m not a mind reader”