No one told me home ownership was just living in terror of and investigating dripping noises 24/7.

My anxiety is down 900%* since I turned off iOS badges for Todoist. Excellent life hack for people who don't do things - highly recommended! *estimate

Think those New Year's resolutions are finally working! I made the bed, showered and ate, and all before *checks watch* son of a bitch...

Guys, was Soul Coughing actually good? Because the alternative is that I set all my musical sensibilities in stone in 1998 and that doesn't sound very cool of me.

Never be afraid to be the first person who arrives somewhere. You know who I love? The first person who shows up at my party, because that means someone's coming to my party after all.

Kid Rock has a LOT to answer for, but the thing that will send him to Hell proper is the way no one can ever hear the Werewolves of London piano lick on the radio without at least a little fear ever again.

In the last year, I built a local newsletter to 10,000 subscribers. Here’s how I did it:

How was my day? Reader, I was in my soft clothes before 5:30.

Captain Badminton being styled as a Jack Aubrey pastiche is on the list of my favorite things about #OurFlagMeansDeath .

I washed, folded and put away my laundry all on the same day. I need someone to come over to my house and make much of my accomplishment.

Self-esteem report: in any group of three people, I am definitely the "kill."

My 40s truly have been the decade of "Where the hell did this bruise come from?"

Orlando Bloom set unreasonable beauty standards for elves

I actually kind of proud of how shitty my mid-70s vinyl setup sounds. You'd think you'd have to work to achieve this level of buzz and hiss - not to mention how I don't know how to set the anti-skate! - but it turns out I'm a natural.