bro please can i bum a toy off of you i havent played in like 6 hours bro

We haven’t seen a Duke go out like that since Franz Ferdinand

the two wolves inside of me? having a goddamn field day.

The Los Angeles Dodgers might be worth $8 billion or whatever BUT the Cleveland Guardians have the power of friendship

Me and the IT guy after I pass the phishing test

The Dodgers front office trying to assemble a team to stop Jose Ramirez and his underpaid friends

me: dating is hard, lotta weirdos out there me on a date: (3 beers voice) i’m a New York 5 but a Roku city 8

called out a full 8 for a destination long run (we’re so back)

theyre killing me with a rock, tomorrow. you're invited actually

so far today i have cried happy tears about: -the sun -the moon -the mountain -jose ramirez that’s crazy.

mama didn’t raise no emergency contact

We should just hide the nuclear launch codes and pretend we can’t find them. “Oh man that’s weird. No, I haven’t seen them.” That’s what we did with the keys to my grandmother’s Honda CRV when it was time for her to stop driving.

listen there are the men that will hurt you and then there are the men that will find ways to weaponize zen buddhism against you and every woman should be so much more concerned about the latter

“every bisque i call a smoothie, they never correct me because they know i’m right”

do we think ranger rick is gonna survive this round of forest service layoffs?

You missed your 2-week window to wear your Cool Little Spring Jacket because you were too lazy to pull a fit off. Third year in a row. How does that feel?

really trying to enjoy the last new music friday before noah destroys any semblance of sanity i’ve built since the move