the best cookie ever is them Subway White Michael Damien cookies

The year is 2029. The Chicago Bears are playing at Uncle Sam’s Fireworks Store Stadium in Merrillville. It has a retractable roof sponsored by the Hell is Real billboard. The halftime show is presented by a rotating cast of personal injury law firms.

When I say “I’m in the Holiday spirit” I mean I’m watching a college kicker grossly miss a 31-yard field goal into a construction site at 2:00 on a Monday

yall remember that time a little girl got a Dipset mixtape for Christmas that was packaged as Disney Channel hits 😭

Fiesta Fiesta lookin ass

I'm seriously starting to question the credibility of the FIFA Peace Prize.

Poor Americans don't even have a Taco Bong

CBS is now reporting that Jonathan Ross actually DIED but came back to life three days later. Big news!

Alex Pretti was murdered.

Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

Wow! Was just reading about Kid Rock, or as its more commonly known Epstein Island.

McDonald’s girl: -Heavy Hands -Road Grader -Plays with leverage -Good anchor Potential day 3 interior OL selection for the Texans

Someone on YouTube uploaded an entire Rap City Top 10 episode from the summer of 1996, commercials and all. It’s an incredible piece of nostalgia and a real time look at how big Pac was in the Summer before his death and how Crucial Conflict’s “Hay” was the hottest shit on earth

Bears fans leaving the new stadium after each game in Northwest Indiana:

You want me to be physically present at a meeting in the office? Like the Ayatollah?

NBA player putting up these stats and asking to be pulled at 27 minutes to respect Snell’s record

you know what time it is

If I walk into your empty Las Vegas neighborhood bar at 2pm on a Tuesday & your bartender lectures me about how only video poker players can sit at the completely empty bar, I’m never coming back. Must be part of the new Las Vegas “we’ll tell you how to spend your money” era.

when I start a new hobby

Chuck Norris told a woman to calm down and she did.