making up scenarios about my crush on my deathbed

RIP Virgin Mary you would've loved this guy

TONIGHT! Free comedy! Featuring: - Django Gold (Colbert) - Andrew Casertano (NY Comedy Festival) - Maddy Smith (Wild & Out) - Denise (The Onion) - Chris Alan (Laughs on Fox) Hosted by: Pjörk🐷, naomi karavani and Wendy Steiner bit.ly/3e40pNP

Once again I am about to do stand up comedy for a bunch of idiots

muslim sun, protestant moon, jewish rising ✨

calling it "criss-cross applesauce" *is* critical race theory

You have to be a goofball to survive in America

Every guy in Washington D.C.

Tomorrow! Music, comedy, & musical comedy at City Winery DC with Franqi French, naomi karavani, Denise, Machine Gun Shelley, Bentwaht, @christineodea, and AJ Holmes 🦦! Come out: tinyurl.com/fb22622 ✨

For a group that takes so much alpha brain my bf and his friends sure mumble and stare at the ground/swing invisible golf clubs a lot when you ask them where they want to go for dinner

Showed my mom a standup clip of someone who was famous but bad thinking she’d be like “well you’re way better” and instead she was like “…why would you even want to be one of these people”

You wouldn't be so interested in sexual power dynamics if you had any fucking goals

The two genders are Velma and Scooby Doo

The Sheboygan Press, Wisconsin, February 14, 1932

Join us tomorrow night April 4th The Stand NYC for an epic night! mark normand Jeremiah Watkins SYDNEY CASTILLO @HollieHarper5 evaevanscomedy 🇯🇲 Denise ParisSashay and Charles Greeves! Tix here: wl.seetickets.us/event/IAM-LTNS…

Being a millennial is all about having a matcha latte for the first time in 2016 and realizing that all you can do under late capitalism is try to have a good time and love each other :) To my knowledge, being gen z is all about getting trafficked

Another incredible show The Stand NYC on Sat