R.I.P Paul Reubens.

Spotify's AI DJ is treating me to a wave of Norah Jones. Lovely.

That broke bastard's bed is soft as shit.

put a fried egg on my croque monsieur to make it a croque madame and now jk rowling is outside my house yelling

Trump can’t legally vote for himself now!!! I love karma! It’s a good day for America!

On Covfefe Day no less

Birmingham's Finest...

Sprouts Mexicainé?! 🇲🇽

Credit where credit is due — George W. Bush called all of this back in January of 2017:

Kamala Harris approaching reporters: Whatcha got?

I can't believe I'm retweeting the GOP, but they're right. Perspective matters.

We didn’t get any a-levels and now we drive other shops up the wall x

.J.K. Rowling You ok hun? You've gone quiet...

🚨BREAKING🚨Donald Trump has picked Dennis Reynolds as his Secretary for Implications.

i have seen the theory that Trump is so obsessed with Greenland because he doesn't understand the Mercator projection and i cannot stop laughing. one hundred percent that's what's going on

Akash Bobba Edward Coristine Luke Farritor Gautier Cole Killian Gavin Kliger Ethan Shaotran #breakinthelaw

Jeff Bezos has told wedding guests not to bring a gift, with people asking ‘what do you give the man who has everything?’ A tax bill would be a good start