Me: Trump, you've been a bad kitty~ *turns vibrator to max* Trump:

cop: where u headed me: chuck e. cheese. gonna fight the rat cop: [handing me his gun] good luck

Me on election night watching my 30 illegal Jill Stein ballots roll in

Zoomers yesterday: What's a Tiananmen Square massacre??? Zoomers today: There was no Tiananmen Square massacre and if there was it was a good thing and anyway America's done bad things so it's fine for China to run over protesters and

This month has felt like Scooby Doo 2 when all the monsters came to life

Hey! You’re an idiot if you live like this!

Go ahead and Derek that up for me doll

Multiculturalism is a gift to America

Aggregate score of the weekend series: Pirates 30 Mets 4

“I asked grok” “I asked chatgpt” im digging in my butttt oughhhghf

things happening on r/shrooms

Was it worth it? #massshootings #schoolshootings #charliekirk #guncontrol Please share #laloalcaraz cartoons

Loudly tearing off toilet paper and rubbing it against my thigh to give the legion of pusseys waiting to use the handicap stall a false sense of hope

If you live in Pittsburgh and have an issue with a Puerto Rican performing at the Super Bowl, you are no longer allowed to reference this King.

The Cubs are diddy blud. The Pirates employ every criminal. The Brewers are short and worship Satan. The Cardinals enforce Jim Crow laws at Busch Stadium. The Reds are irrelevant. Not a single ethical franchise in the NL Central since the Astros dumped us for the American League