I heard this joke at an open mic over a decade ago and I still think about it every week or so 'I know what you're thinking this guys got a dad, nope died when I was 5!'

They should make cheese packages for the single man. It’s just 2 slices of cheese and a note reminding you to give your mother a call.

😂 that apron went right up there eh hahah oops

﹡PLAYING THIS WEEK﹡ Headliner Brendan McKeigan, Andrew Vaughan and @NickMartinello. Get rid of your winter blahs and catch a show! 🎟Get your tickets: qoo.ly/z3mzu or by phone at 613-233-8000. #ottawacomedy #comedy #standupcomedy #ottawa

The stage is on fire this week with headliner Brendan McKeigan, Andrew Vaughan and @NickMartinello. Get rid of your winter blahs and catch a show! 🎟Get your tickets: qoo.ly/z3mzu or by phone at 613-233-8000. #ottawacomedy #comedy #standupcomedy #ottawa

“Doubles just a dollar more when you’re living in an airport bar”

First mic back and closing out a place I love

I bought a mattress today. Pretty sure I fell for the "this is an $1,100 mattress marked half off" trick.

I'm genuinely happier than ever. I'm posting this so when the other shoe falls...

I saw a lot of nice butts tonight. #drunktweet

Megacomedy Mondays tonight at Gus' Pub ! 8 pm start. Great lineup.

I never understood the old sitcom trope of Men taking porno mags into the toilette. You want to shit with an erection? God damn the 80's was weird.

Tomorrow is a week since I got the new cat. Which means it's officially 5 days past my friends getting tired of me talking about the new cat.

A week ago I got this cute little cat from Nova Scotia SPCA She is now fully comfortable. She followe me everywhere and she loves pets. I am so happy to be her forever home and her buddy.

My New favorite head shot

This podcast was crazy fun, thank you Sarah MacLellan & VinceTweets youtu.be/5owaHyhXSqM

andrew-vaughan-bc4n.squarespace.com/boys-club-come… New Podcast Episode up with Chris Halef!

Comedians will be like ‘podcast with 100 listeners? Not worth it. I’m gonna go tell jokes to 6 people who are bleeding from their head in a bar that has the TVs on’

This is horrifying. This is toxic masculinity wrapped up in the guise of “Alberta Strong”. Say what you want. But you AND YOUR COMPANY better be ready for the fallout as a result. No hiding. No excuses. Time to take responsibility and grow up. Fuck you, Doug Sparrow.

I like to drink my water out of wine glasses. It's not because I'm lazy and the wine glasses are the only clean ones. It's because that's not water, It's wine. I have a problem. It's 2 PM.