@tenillewernars pyjama sundays isn't a thing ?

Olivia Visser, the bestest. #69slam_capetown #msacademia2013

Hey kid... that's a pretty nice nose ya got there. *takes long drag of cigarette* It'd be a real shame if someone took it from ya

"The eternal struggle of wanting a six pack and wanting a six pack." — San Diego State University

Weekend plans: become reacquainted with a childhood chum, the double crunch

More like: Rea, Vaya the busses so empty ?

"Nothing will mess you up like realizing there's no reason the alphabet needs to be in order." — Boston College

[job interview] Me: Time travel Boss: What is your biggest stren—WHAT?!

"I'm worried I peaked in the third grade when I was the line leader." — Georgia Tech

What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick up a girls bum @alancommitte

a young Guy Fieri, waiting bravely for his first bus to Flavourtown, nervous, eager, ready

[Dog Restaurant] "Is the Book Report any good?" Yes, Sir. "How's it prepared?" A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it. "Ooh, I'll have that."

Sorry I'm late, the windshield wipers were in sync to the song on the radio and it was like the coolest thing ever! Anyways…[to bride] I do.

My condolences to all the children born in two thousand and late.

A more challenging game than "Fuck/Marry/Kill" would be "Drive Them to the Airport/Help Them Move/Attend Their Improv Show."