BREAKING: MPs pinpoint last possible date to stop everything going tits up.

Anyone lost their under-11? Credit James Kemp for his all-time best joke 😂

‘People should go green to save the planet’ says driver of 200mph car.

Dear Extinction Rebellion, The Tube & all modes of public transport are part of the solution to climate change, not the problem. Can we kindly suggest you stick to protesting against those who create the problem. Not our industry, members + hard working commuters. Many thanks.

Might be a good idea for this to be made public before the GE....or does nothing matter anymore?

I took my bin out to see if my neighbour had taken his bin out but he was taking his bin out at the same time to see if I had taken my bin out, we just looked at each other unsure if we should take our bins out. This is torture

We’re proud to be joining forces with the NHS 111 service to help support thousands more patients every week. From today Boots pharmacists will be joining the team of healthcare professionals to provide pharmacy advice to patients over the phone📞Read more ow.ly/6W6P50zjRS7

It couldn't really be simpler. You can meet up with girls who are boys, who like boys to be girls, who do boys like they're girls, who do girls like they're boys, always should be someone you really love. And always stay two metres apart.

This is me right now heading back into the covid ICU I’ve worked for the last two months. This stuff is hot and hard work. Haven’t seen my parents since January. Frankly, Cummings spits in the face of all our efforts, the whole #NHS. If he doesn’t resign, I will.

I’ve finally lost it in lockdown! 🤪 #isthisthewaytobarnardcastle

This is possibly the best thing I have seen on Twitter, ever. To all the anti-vax, anti-mask, anti-everything people, this is the logical conclusion of “freedom”. Please read it. All of you.

Gavin Williamson live on BBC Breakfast right now. Or, as he calls it, DDE Breakfast.

it’s been a pleasure working with you mr president

After the government asks to check ministers’ phones as part of Covid leak inquiry, Jacob Rees-Mogg hands over his mobile:

Experiencing an absolute wall of silence from GAME.co.uk GAME Helps at the moment trying to find out where my order has gone! I know times are busy, but keep us informed, shockingly bad customer contact service

A Riddle: If today is a Sunday and Boxing Day was a Saturday and you are in Tier 4, then what day is bin day?

If like us you were never happy til Bruno landed, how about a FREE T-shirt to tell the world? Give us a Follow and RT and we’ll give one lucky punter a freemans after the Chelsea game on Sunday. UTFR