Lindegaard to WBA. Valdes to Watford. Uniteds plan is to sell every goalkeeper so I have to stay.

Hope Giggs lures Van Gaal outside the ground saying that Bale is outside waiting & everyone stabs him near the Stretford End. For the watch.

Well this is shit I can't tweet in Spanish

Honestly Old Trafford dressing room is like the Game of Thrones Red Wedding right now

My dad is on the way to Italy. He just popped for one last look in the club shop and got sold to Lazio.

Manchester United squad photo

Genius that United may have played Madrid all this time Ok ok you can have DeGea, just give us yours in return. NOW WE HAVE ALL THE GOALIES

Wait.... I just sold my house

Looks like I'm rooming with Juan Mata til January... Every cloud has a silver lining

Apparently: Instead of faxing over De Gea's paperwork, Woodward sent them a picture of his cock and balls entitled 'LOL'.

How the hell am I going to explain this to the missus #dumpedinthemorning

I haven't been in and out this quick since I stole some donuts from Tesco

Just arrived at training.... Well this is awkward

Juan Mata has a new way to keep me at Old Trafford.

Well if football doesn't work out this season, Iv convinced Darmian and Shaw to join my Mata inspired boyband.... Juan Direction

David De Gea has signed a new four-year contract at #mufc with an option to extend for a further year.

Guess whose back. Back again. Guess whose back, guess whose back, na na na #scousebusters

When there's something strange, in your neighbourhood, Who you gonna call? Scousebusters!!

Gary Neville after Martials goal...

Zayne Malik coming on for United