What’s up with all the kids on antidepressants? Hell, my daddy just held my head underwater until I got excited about living

I’m 60 years old and still don’t need glasses. I drink straight from the bottle

Skinny people are easy to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake. Good morning Twitterers

So, I was flipping through the channels and found what I thought was a “The Walking Dead” episode. It had all those brain-dead zombies and the hideous makeup. Then my wife came in and asked me why I was watching Fox News.

I still don’t think I deserved to be banned from Lowe’s. How was I supposed to know those toilets were for display only?

People may scoff about alien abductions but I can’t count the number of times my date has gone to the ladies room and never returned. The truth is out there

Forget the corrupt federal judge. The REALLY crazy news of the past 48 hours is that Donald Trump somehow snuck back into the White House last week to have dinner with Mark Zuckerberg.

President Obama on the artist who painted his portrait: "He also talked me out of wearing a tan suit."🤣🤣🤣

From this day forward, the official portraits of former President Obama and former First Lady Obama will now display on the walls of the White House – the People’s House – forever.

Duty To Warn 🔉 EVERYTHING IS ON THE BALLOT VOTE NOV 8TH

Florida.... msn.com/en-us/news/cri…

Let's connect with each other before tomorrow! Great list of Resisters to follow & retweet! 🌊💙 #VoteBlue2022 💙🌊✡️ Democrat 4 life--Married--NO DM✡️ 🌊💙 @philipdoty Selina Wade 🏳️‍🌈 #FBR justjojo79💪🌊💙👠🏈 🇺🇲 🫶🇨🇦 Laurie Neagle @DSB3334 @KarensDovesong @DMBfangrl76 @b_eichman Tracy aka TLC4KNDPPL💙🌤️ 🚫No adds

Let's save Democracy together. #StrongerTogether Follow & Retweet these Great Resisters! pennysmom Jerry Hicks Lex Hoaloha @Banjo_Rick Ventress Taylor Jamie Murray🇺🇸🇵🇷 🇮🇪 @KRam619 Goat.OftheSea🍋🦃🌹 Mitchell McFarland @AmadorBatten

Resisters Unite...Follow these great people & Retweet. #Resisters #RoeRoeRoeYourVote Dave 🌊💙 Tedcruz’s Troll Tuesday Adams™ 🌹 Mr.X Tweeter Barely Gen X @loftus_reid Cheryl 🕊️ 🌊 🎨🌻🐬🌴🕊️ Janet Isbell, MSW @beachboysammy @andy_vogel67 🚫No Adds

We can do this, Together! Follow these great Resisters & Retweet... #StrongerTogether #VoteBlue Louie Jimenez 18 @Clackable Janey Bishoff @BigNickFL Snit Chee Yaps 🐾DOG🐾 @jorgbh Dan 🚫NO LISTS/NO DMs @Meidas_JAFO ally ✶ Heather 🌻🌊✌️💙

Stephen Colbert just said, "The red wave was more like a pink splash- kinda like when you accidentally wash your klan robe with your maga hat" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Congressman Hakeem Jeffries has asked FBI Director Chris Wray to open a Criminal Investigation into the Postmaster General Louis DeJoy and the USPS Board of Governors. RT IF YOU WOULD SUPPORT AN INVESTIGATION