Thank you for putting up with my boring and shitty rhymes!

Here I go--Wait...shit...I lost 'em. No ryhmes here. I might actully write a twitter song they seem fun.

I'm so bored that I am guessing someone's age and turning it into some trivia like "How much do you know about the year you were born?!" #FML

I am too tired to be talking/typing. Kinda like you get to old to drive? I feel like falling asleep. BUT I CAN'T!

GOODNIGHT FAM

My friend just called me and said, "Hey I trust you so much that I'll ive you my iPhone password!" Me:"Okay bro." Him:"It's 6669. But you can just tell Siri 'SatanSex' and she'll unlock it." I thought the call was a matter of trust, but its actully a matter of mental sanity.

I'm thinking about doing a series of twist ending tweets. Who's in?

Good enough!

>See my neighbors dog >go to pet it >growls but trots over, realizes its me >german shephard trotting towards me but idc >i hold out my hand for him to sniff >the bitch latches his jaw on my hand >cops arrest me >the police dog smelled weed >but had a smelling problem

turns out he could barely smell and thats why he was off duty for a walk but the policeman let him roam for some reason my neighbors took him to france with them. NaTS

Toasted sheep

Kiwi birds flew about as Piran Ha pondered smashing his 8/10 washing machine. What would the kid look like? The Maytag man? The Muffin man? The Michellin man?//mfw I'm 90% sure i spelt that wrong

Am I the only one that still calls : "dot dot" while I'm typing? #showerthoughts Weird World #AmITheOnlyOne #funny #random #typing #helpme #mindblown #woah

HAHAHAHAHA! XD i.imgur.com/bVhjEM6.jpg #XD #lol #lmao #lmfao #funny #london #greentext #sixabong

Saw TLJ for the first time 2day. I fell asleep on the first showing. I rate 10/10. Best Star Wars since ESB. LOVED it 1000000%

I just went off of wht other ppl said. Technically i went but never watched.

Am I the only person who clicked on the trend Jesse James expecting the famous outlaw? #SuperBowl #PepsiHalftime #JesseJames #NFL #trending