Put this fish away man!

I gotta meet the seals that killed bin Laden. What did they even use? BEACH BALLS?????

This guy just asked me to dress his lettuce. #imight #feelingabitfrisky

That was an understatement. I HATE understatements #sippingandpimping

Freaking Dablistic!

Good music makes me want to eat my clean and dirty laundry

If I had identical twins, I would never let them both be seen together. People would think I only had 1 kid and they would always switch off. That way, I will be able to turn them into absolute super humans and we would become so powerful.

If you’re gonna piss like a puppy don’t stay on the porch, do it in my mouth - Dalai Lama probably #needtobewarmedup

I’m a dirty little whore for a well made bed

Spider-Man would so NOT work in Marrakech. Peter would need more buildings.

Beli is genius, it’s like they wanted our tummy’s to have twitter… or should I say our belly’s?

Ive taken too long of a hiatus. Im back. #passdatfork

I came back but not strong. What the actual fuck is a buckeye, this weekend isn’t ready for a middle aged retired anti-stolen task force e-board member. #bringoutthegoodstuff #thejourneywasthegoods

Sources confirm Michigan are currently negotiating a 2-year deal with Nick Saban amidst recent speculation wanting to come back to CFB to conquer Big10

Wanna play Fortnite Dalai Lama ? Let’s play no build mode tho. I don’t wanna play regular build, I don’t wanna one bit, not even a little bit. Dude don’t make me play regular build mode. Dude I’m serious please. D Lams I’m begging you. DON’T MAKE ME PLEASE. I just shat myself

Eric enjoys psychology. Eric would be a Forensic Psychologist if it wasn’t a lot of work and super hard. You know what they say, 钢铁侠, 你忘了该死的龙虾酱了!

Sesame Seeds. Why?

The one time I don’t bring snacks, c’mon bibi

Bo reet toe

You guys know the Edward 40 hands challenge? We should do that with lighters but you can’t take it off until you finsih the lighter. #genius