I just feel like he come out the door any time with smelling cigarettes and spiky beard and say " just open door who's else would other than me" and say " what took you so long " kiss me on my head and ask me if my brother bullying me and I have any cola it will haunt

Just I feel like little better and hear my mom saying it's okay to cry also my grandma to call me and ask if I eat something with shaking voice like cry anytime I just hold back my tears