Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat."

My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat."

Jades hen do

@MrsToora im ace though x

We made it!!!Through torrential wind and rain, Grp 13 Personnel Mgrs completed 14mile walk in 4hrs 40mins. Well Done

"Mom, can I wear a dress?" "No" "Mom can I wear makeup?" "No" "Mom, can I have a boyfriend?" "No" "But mom, I'm 18!" "I know Kevin, I know."

Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge.

@susanmartin184 I thought about joining a gym and I ate doritos too, very versatile those crisps x

A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!

@MrsToora thanks hun, older and wiser xx

@MrsToora am I the fake or the real coz no way are you eating my food x

Had a little cry watching paul walker tributes, so sad, he had been at the top of my list for as long as I can remember

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together. ;)

Is it bed time yet

@MrsToora my treats last night havent sat well on my stomach today either x

@MrsToora sometimes its got to be done x

Hurendous Justin George

@MrsToora im still deciding lol

@MrsToora with my massive dreams x