I don’t love the term ‘hero’, but I’m on a Southwest Airlines flight, and as the plane took off, an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers rolled out of a purse under the seat in front of me and I cleanly fielded those buttery biscuits and reunited them with their caretaker.

Life hack: Have the weather forecast displayed in degrees Kelvin and pretend that it is your daily salary forecast.

Here it is, the worst abuse of a toggle I have ever seen

I meet a new person. First impression: 🤨 I notice a small tuft of cat hair on their sweater. Revised impression: 😍😍😍

There should be a TV channel dedicated to showing people being reunited at airports.

At the aquarium and my quest to find the perfect insult for my California-based enemies is over.

Big brother to stranger, “Guess how old I am!” Stranger, “I don’t know! How old are you?” Little sister, “He’s five.” Big brother, annoyed, then with a smirk, “I’m seven.” Little sister, aghast, with the fire of 1000 suns, “HE’S FIVE!!!!!!!”

Introductions are always a little awkward at parties, as we’ve been together the better part of two decades. ‘Girlfriend’ feels silly at this point. I’ve long been searching for a better choice. But thanks to the U.S. Census Bureau, my search is over. “This is Rebecca, she’s my:

Tip for technologists with gray-ish temples: When it is desired to keep one's age a mystery to one's coworkers, one should not display prominently a birthday card with said age in giant block letters in the background of one's Zoom calls.

Always nice to be in a store that considers the needs of both humans AND vampires.

Battling RSI for the first time and my mind created two equally appealing solutions: 1) Buy ergonomic keyboard 2) Never use computer again

Workplace stress reduction pro tip: make your desktop wallpaper the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea bear family.

Lucifer, trying his best to eat healthy, looked at the waiter and reluctantly sighed, "I'll just have the

My amazingly awesome coworker Alyssa describes her journey to engineering at Clover Health: theaccidentalengineer.com/data-science-h… 🎉❤️☘️

I’m thankful for a lot this holiday season, but I’m EXTRA thankful for this little drawer. The bathroom in my parent’s house has no lock, and this drawer has been protecting my privacy since the 1980s. Happy holidays buddy.

A new day dawns. Rebecca: "How do you feel this morning, Dan?" The voice of a pubescent Kermit the Frog: "Better! I think I'll go to work." Rebecca: "You're not going to work, Dan."

A coworker described me as “Easy going, but with *some* standards” which is a relief because I’ve always wondered what was going to be inscribed on my gravestone.

Reminding my twin brother why he got kicked out of the Mac lab in our high school in the 90s...

But, but, but that's impossible... x.com/abstractionsco…

The WiFi at my parents house is flakey to the point where only one of my or Rebecca’s computers will work at the same time. Our relationship has known no greater test.