if i had this as a wedding photo i’d genuinely never fucking shut up about it holy shit

This is why it costs 25k per year

Unpopular opinion: Genuine people don't have many friends.

If they won’t sign a prenup, you’re not what they actually want

pov: sos hombre y subiste una foto a ig

One thing that I’ve noticed after moving to the Midwest a few years ago. Chicagoans gatekeep Chicago. Unless you grew up here or went to school here, your only friends will be transplants.

A much simpler time

skinny can be bought, muscle must be built.

This the wind SpongeBob had to deliver that pizza in

Girls always hit me up but don’t realize the upkeep. Don’t buy a Ferrari if you can’t afford the maintenance

If your wife is angry with you, buy a Porsche 911 GT3. She’ll still be angry with you, but you’ll have a Porsche 911 GT3.

I will never accept the propaganda that someone is too busy to text back lol

Since 1997 Tiger Woods has as many DUIs and car crashes as the Dallas Cowboys have playoff wins.

Grey hair is a million times better than no hair

Update: it wasn’t free at all

All this and you’re still making five yr plans. All this and you still worry about double texting. All this and you’re still counting calories and sucking in your stomach. All this and you still can’t forgive your parents. All this and you’re still waiting for someone to go first

Really doing anything to help the Sox out this season

For every girl you think is irreplaceable, there's another who will make you COMPLETELY forget her.

I been offered drugs and alcohol more times than I been offered a hug