If I got the opportunity to be a kid again, I would be so well-behaved. I would just eat my free food and take that nap with zero fuss.

whenever i have to do something slightly difficult i just feel like frodo on mt doom. this laundry will be the death of me and i don’t even have a gardener to ask me if i remember the shire or the taste of strawberries

Bringing this energy into the holiday season

The Lord of the Rings has 1. Elves 2. Jolly Old Man with a White Beard 3. Snow 4. Very Important Trees 5. Songs of Cheer 6. Elves Giving Gifts 7. A Critical Event Occur on December 25th ✨ Therefore, the Lord of the Rings is a Christmas movie ✨

once again looking back on another year like:

Me, a Green Day fan since the early 90's, watching everyone lose their shit after their performance last night.

"new year, new me!" the new me:

It would not surprise me if Punxsutawney Phil announced six more weeks of January.

"if presidents don't have complete immunity, every president will be prosecuted upon leaving office" hell yeah now we're onto something!

Jonas Salk, inventor of polio vaccine: "There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?" Frederick Banting, inventor of insulin: "Insulin does not belong to me. It belongs to the world." Bristol Myers CEO: The $7,100 price of Eliquis in the US is "consistent with the value."

A version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" but it's just Billy Joel listing things in the house my dog has eaten or destroyed.

is Oppenheimer/Godzilla Minus One the first time a movie and its sequel both won Oscars in the same year?

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nowadays you can't even simply walk into Mordor. because of woke

me voting in 2016 vs. me voting in 2024

2024 your election pants 🤝 me wondering how it's this tight

in retrospect, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords really might've been a better basis for a system of government.

Jimmy Carter placed his peanut farm in a blind trust

They would do well to remember that the Nuremberg rally was followed by the Nuremberg trials

You may have thought Helms Deep was a perfect battle sequence but it turns out there is a way to make it even better.