TWO great shows for you this weekend... TONIGHT Fri 5th Oct Viaduct Hanwell Hanwell W7 3TD - £10 bearcatviaduct.co.uk TOMORROW Sat 6th Oct The Turk’s Head TW1 1LF £15 bearcatcomedy.co.uk It would be Wonderful to see you at either show...

Now the fuss has died down over the Greggs vegan sausage roll, hopefully they’ll feel free to launch the Quornish pasty.

Damian Kingsley

Really looking forward to my Leicester show Jokes On Us Manhattan 34 Friday 22nd comedy-festival.co.uk/event/damian-k…

If some accuse me of talking to both sides in the Brexit debate then so be it. I’m proud of it. Why would I only want to talk to half the country? I don’t want to live in half a country. A prime minister must talk and listen to everyone - and bring our divided country together.

In 2019 I finally came to recognise some of my character flaws. It's my sincere hope that, in 2020, people will shut up about them.

This video should be playing on every screen on the planet.

I've written to Boris Johnson requesting an urgent Privy Council briefing and answers to questions following the US assassination of Qassem Suleimani.

Saying RIP to Derek Acorah is like wishing a lovely lie-in to yodel drivers

I don't know about all this but, in the same spirit, 2020 is going to be the year I finally nail the peel and reseal packaging on ham.

Just asked the PT at the gym if they’ve got a device to accurately gauge body fat and he’s walked me over to the mirror.

First there are set of principles that must apply, regardless of solution or model adopted: - students are students - if they become workforce it must be their choice - work must be outside/separated from their role as students - they must be paid & have employment rights. 3/

Reducing total clinical hours required for registration will reduce burden for student supervision on NHS and keep the nursing workforce supply pipeline functional, easing flow through it. (No backlogs of ‘making up hours’) 7/

These people going to house parties and locks ins aren’t all stupid. Some of them are evil and they’re trying to get their inheritance quicker. #CoronaCrisisuk #CoronavirusPandemic #COVIDIOT

This has taught us to appreciate the people we take for granted - the NHS cleaners who help prevent the spread of infection, the shelf stackers who keep supermarkets stocked and the murderers, without whom Netflix would be shit. #CoronaLockdown

The journalist either doesn’t realise that “remains” is ambiguous here or they’ve deliberately come up with a cliffhanger to get both his supporters and his enemies to read the article. #BorisOut

A variation on the true/false job list thing that’s going round Facebook. You pick 10 things from your actual CV and we have to guess which one’s true. #FridayMotivation

#lockdownfun with Yuriko Kotani and Damian Kingsley tolerating my おたくがじん nonsense.

Hi Conservatives - why did you allow Rosemary Carroll back in your party after she displayed such awful racism? This woman is not fit to represent people. I'm not going to share the image of the joke because it is disgusting. bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-en…