“can you explain this gap in your resume?” yeah, that was when i felt joy for the only time in my adult life

This has killed me hahahaha

I don't even know where to start with this, unbelievable

2/5 of the tattoos I've had done in the last 5 weeks, am broke

The answer to the abortion debate should never have been whether a fetus is a person, but that a woman is.

hmmm

“manhole cover” umm I think they’re just called boxers lol

😀

Who is in favour of bringing Roman numerals back into use? I for one.

CHAMPIONS! 🏆

me as soon as i get anywhere:

ma’am just call me icarus because i am getting way too close to your son

my two modes are “borderline doing stand up comedy” and “quiet and scared like a feral kitten”

“how’s life?” me: everything’s on track the track:

bird flu? i sure hope it did

nowadays I really do see where guy fawkes was coming from

me mid conversation with anyone