I ate a kids meal at McDonald’s today... His mother was furious. #dadjokes #dadjoke McDonald's Corporation

Why does nobody brush their teeth with their left hand? Because a tooth brush works much better… #dadjokes #dadjoke #toothbrush

What do you call a three eyed tiger? A Tiiiger #dadjokes #dadjoke #tiger

If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over ..... did he just bust a move? #dadjokes #dadjoke uhaul

What's brown and sticky? ...a stick. #dadjokes #dadjoke #stick

Finally got my first dentist appointment scheduled since the pandemic started and needless to say, my teeth were pretty stained so the Dentist asked me if I smoke or drink coffee. I told him I just drink it… #dadjokes #dadjoke #coffee

Optimist: The glass is half full! Pessimist: The glass is half empty… Microsoft Excel: The glass is January 2nd #dadjokes #dadjoke #excel

I recently learnt the Welsh word for ‘push’ is ‘lluq’. I saw it written on a glass door. #dadjokes #dadjoke #welsh

My son asked me how poo was made. I took a deep breath and reluctantly explained it to him. Clearly shocked, he asked, “…and Tigger?” #dadjokes #dadjoke #winniethepooh

Bought a beaver over the weekend and named him Clint. Clint Eatswood #dadjoke #dadjokes Clint Eastwood

You’ve heard of Murphy’s Law, but have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s pretty much cabbage and mayonnaise. #dadjokes #dadjoke #coleslaw

A buddy of mine recently got twin dogs and named them Calvin and Klein. They’re boxers… #dadjokes #dadjoke calvinklein

My wife: The lady doing the alterations on my dress looked so anxious… Me: She seamstressed? #dadjokes #dadjoke #seamstress

A buddy of mine accidentally put Red Bull instead of water in his coffee maker. Poor guy was halfway to work before he realized he forgot his car. #redbullgivesyouwings Red Bull

Man walks into a library and says, “I’ll have a burger and fries, please” Librarian replies, “Sir… this is a library” The man looks mortified “So sorry,” he says, and then whispers, “I’ll have a burger and fries, please” #dadjokes #dadjoke #library

Y’all know why chicken coups only have two doors? Because, if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans. #dadjokes #dadjoke #chicken

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender. #dadjokes #dadjoke #tender

Saw a robbery take place at an Apple Store. Guess that makes me an iWitness. #dadjokes #dadjoke Apple

Me: Gives my daughter an apple.🍎 My daughter: “I only like pears!!” Me: Gives my daughter another apple. 🍎🍎 #dadjokes #dadjoke #pairs

Over the weekend, I was washing the car with my son when he asked, “Umm, Daddy, couldn’t you just use a sponge?!” #dadjokes #dadjoke #son