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hey! u up? - my anxiety at 3am

No injury leaves bigger wounds than the regret of everything unsaid and unexpressed.

Instead of writing LOL, I'm going to start writing SALTS (Smiled a little then stopped). It's more accurate😬

it’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

I miss having a TV guide. Highlighting the shows you wanted to watch. Planning your life around being home at 7:30. It was a proper time. A decent time.

Woke up in a good mood this morning idk who the fuck I am anymore

Our new mailbox is so big, you can send us a mailbox.

I’m gonna assume grouchy people didn’t have their morning poop.

Intrusive thought blossoms into horrifying remark.

why is it called lukewarm like why is not medium warm… who is luke??

I actually enjoy drinking Squirt a lot because it tastes nothing like grapefruit.

the era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy

Haters gonna hate. I’m still gonna smother my eggs in ketchup.

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts

It’s confusing to people when they figure out you’re a really mean nice person.

me: I couldn't find it. wife: did you look on aisle 12 like I said? me: narrator: he, in fact, did not look on aisle 12 because he got distracted by aisle 13 aka the beer aisle.

At the doctor's office waiting room. There are 10 people starring at their phones and one guy thumbing through a magazine from 1997. Time travel is real folks.

Marriage be like the wife shows up and her husband will automatically be in the wrong.

My husband did a load of my laundry and do I say thank you or tell him what he did wrong?