Joe Biden made me start paying student loans again (WITH INTEREST!) and said “I’m gonna see you at the polls next year tho right?”

A fun thing for an author to do would be to have the last line of the book be something like “he said, in his Jamaican accent, which he’d had this whole time.” Make the audiobook narrator have to start the whole thing over.

My girlfriend won’t let me get a drum set

Getting canceled at work for not wearing a shirt during the company all hands Zoom

got really into armpits recently

Does anybody want to talk about how good Flockaveli is

Nostalgia is so boring. Move on to more interesting feelings please.

gotten really into armpits lately (sexual)

I renewed my passport online about two years ago and it was the most hellish experience of all time - it took 4 months and I had to get my congressman involved. Going to the post office sucks but I urge everyone to just suck it up and do it the normal way

I will not watch any videos of that twink arguing with Donald trump supporters

bro it’s okay that you need ai to help you write an email. i just think you’re a little stupid

thank you for gay marriage, Christian McCaffrey 🙏

need to go Talk Tuah therapist :(

had no idea Nate Silver looked like that lol

SABRINA I LOVE U SO MUCH

LOVE DA LIBERTY BAYBEE