I drove 13 hours for this?!? Screw you, Sysco!

[1987] ME: Ah, only one year until Tyson vs. Spinks!

Based on my research, shoving a phone two inches from my face and demanding “Look!” has an immediate downside.

Unbuild-A-Bear for dogs

I inherited my great grandmother’s cookbook and every single recipe starts with a cup of lard, even the salads.

A Cheers reboot would suck so incredibly bad. I bet they’ll make one

What is the correct number of hot dog slices to be a topping for 1 taco?

GenX Once Again Unphased By Apocalypse

The United States is about to experience the worst economic crisis of all time.

I swear to God, if my phone needs to be charged one more fuckin' time...

you can block me but you can’t un-jerk off to pictures of my feet

I put on an orange vest and walked out of Home Depot with 7 barbecue grills

might head over to Bluesky and leave a burning bag of dog crap on their front step and ring the doorbell

My dumb ass thought it was a cook in the bag chicken. It was not.

*spreads labia* is THIS your card?!

3 is short for 8

I bet my friend I could remember how to write an uppercase cursive Q, so now she's ordering chicken for her Caesar salad.

I will only hire you if you can demonstrate a high score in Tetris of 112,000 or better.

Mom: Remember Greg & his parents from when you were growing up? Me: Haha yeah such weirdo freak losers! Mom: They all died last week. Me: 😳

American tv ad: [British accent indicates high-class, high-quality product] British tv ad: [American accent indicates the product is awful and may shoot you in the face]