that heartbreak when you realize your relationship is heading towards chaotic instability because of your BPD. imagine wanting to be loved so badly yet unwillingly pushing away everyone who does. you fear abandonment so deeply you act irrationally which leads to being abandoned.
i think i have reached the end to this suffering. i surrender. i can no longer shame and hate myself into becoming a better person. i need to be gentle and give myself the patience and love i deserve. no one else can give it to me i need to save myself.