He finally got out.

Just walked by 2 adults sitting in a paddle boat in their front yard pretending to fish in the grass

What if we all just gave up, as a bit

Currently battling with a fitted sheet and losing miserably

7 year old: I don’t want to be a teacher because it’s boring. Me: What do you want to be? 7 year old: I want to be a father because then I can yell.

Walked by a coworker and overheard just this part of his conversation… “You can’t rent an old lady”

Currently wearing a shirt to work that says “Don’t Know Don’t Care” which perfectly conveys my mood today

I love this so much

My phone just autocorrected “sounds” to “kidnapping” 🤷‍♀️

Accurate

When my dog rushes to the door acting like he really needs to go out and then all he does is sunbathe…

It’s that time of the year when I go back and listen to all the #TESD Halloween episodes 🎃💀👻

When you see this and then it disappears 😳🕷️

Found an original Nintendo that I just spent the last 4 hours playing. I have no regrets.

Amazing night seeing Joe Gatto, Steve Byrne and Mark Jigarjian. So happy to have seen them 🙏

Friends, enemies, strangers, super models, athletes, podcasters, countrymen, clergy and spies - my STANDUP SPECIAL: TERRIFIED is premiering May 31st at 11am ET on 800 Pound Gorilla Media YouTube!! Mark it down, babe! ***I will be in the live chat with you guys watching the special, don’t miss

instagram.com/reel/C9JS3LARx…